Monday, October 31, 2016


I've deactivated the Facebook page for now since I don't feel it gets looked at much anyway.And I did'nt see the point of being on Facebook at all anymore.
 I don't feel like I belong anywhere these days. It's hard for me to make friends with people since I have severe social anxiety and just find it difficult to connect with people at all. It just seems to be getting worse. I fear people too much, I feel I can not make friends or join groups because people judge me for my shyness, for being alone, not even married or having children (which I don't even want by the way) at my age.As much as I feel safe in my solitude , I'm afraid I'm not growing either and could have more, I don't know. It's probably way too late for me. I feel like the only thing I have that people can like like me for is my art so thank you to all who have supported and liked my work however, I truly appreciate it I do. At least I have made connections in that way.


OrderInTheQuartz said...

I've been feeling less and less of a desire to connect with groups of the Heathen or Pagan variety. The silencing, machismo culture (or sometimes the "all about the family" culture) is very alienating. For me--your experience may vary, of course--most of my pressure to stay involved is internalized from the outside, as if participation is something I "should" do. In truth, I'm usually much happier among a very small group or by myself. I do like quite a few Heathen individuals, but I find the whole of it in the U.S. to be overwhelming and, bluntly, toxic. Getting involved by selling art helped, but it's still not "home." I'm a private mystic first and foremost. The rest ultimately just seems to be a rather tiring distraction. For me, the distraction is not worth it anymore.

Best wishes with you own turning inward. A good time of year for that. I hope the Gods feel closer and your spirit soars.

Debra Arnold said...

thank you for listening and understanding. I get the feeling of participation with others being mandatory too. and alot of the politics from outside seeping in bugs me is a turn-off, whether they are right or left (the right is louder and more obnoxious of course) But in the end I have a few friends and family, if they don't care about the Gods or stuff I like or understand it even, at least they do care about me and that's the most important thing I learned this week.